An update for December 2021

 

The posts are getting fewer and further between, I know. I only decided to post something today because, with all the usual expectations of New Year’s resolutions, it’s normal to feel ready and eager to get back to starting fresh.

For a while now, I’ve accepted that I’m just not who I used to be and I’m growing and changing into this mother role and the wishy-washy “goals” that I never reach, should just be scrapped from the table. I don’t have time anymore to go, “Well, I’d like to write 50k words but I’ll settle for 10k.”

What I’m focusing on, or plan to, in 2022 is just doing things for me when I can. It occurred to me yesterday that I was letting the schedule of parenting beat me and I wasn’t fighting hard enough for my own space. Now, this is not something to take lightly because parenting a toddler is tough work. There isn’t a moment’s rest when you’re on duty (literally, sitting down it out of the question) so I give myself complete slack because I’m working on a new level of self-awareness.

So, with that said, here’s what I’d like to accomplish, set my sights on, work at, whatever you want to call it, for next year:

* Be a good mom (that’s a given) * Stick to my SlimmingWorld plan (and go to meetings) * Eat less meat (more vegetarian options) * Take more walks

There were more things I was going to add but I’m sort of at a loss regarding writing and reading plans. They never get accomplished so I’m not going to even entertain the idea that I’ll get a certain task finished.

Before I go, let me add that I detest WordPress’s block editor. Happy 2022, y’all!

An update for November 2021

Well,I missed a whole month and didn't update for October. At least not here, I didn't.

Thanksgiving is over and Christmas is upon us. I have done absolutely nothing other than look after Jack, which is fulfilling in itself and I stopped worrying about not being able to work on my book or doodle in my bullet journal. There just isn't time when you're chasing an almost 2 year old around. (And I do mean chase.)

I didn't do NaNoWriMo. I didn't finish the online business classes I signed up for. We haven't done any holidays. We've had a few days to ourselves (me and Steve, I mean) and the rest of the time has been the routine of the household and the keeping of things functioning as normal.

I did, however, update the Jack's Mum Podcast yesterday and I primarily update short entries at suzanne.micro.blog when I think of something quick to jot down. Other than that, I'll write something more in December maybe, but until then, I hope everyone is winding down 2021 well.

An update for September 2021

Yesterday was my 45th birthday, so I figured I should commemorate the day with an update.

Last week, Mister Pick and I spent a day for ourselves while Jack was at nursery. It was a glorious day so we walked across the Tyne, had breakfast at Quay Ingredient, visited Eldon Square, Grainger Market, and Stack. It was such a nice way to spend the day because we hadn't gone into town just to have a look around in a long time. (Not until before I was pregnant, that's for sure.)

I updated the podcast recently to mention what a hard time I was having with letting Jack stay at nursery for full days now. I was glad to have the time to ourselves, but the guilty of being at work made me feel that I loved money just that little bit more than my own child. But I am going to work part time again and just trying to keep my chin up and hope that nursery is helping Jack with his development as people keep telling me. (He has a lovely nursery and a great key worker, so I know he's in kind, capable hands. I just miss him during the day, which I'm assuming is extremely normal.)

Other than my mummy updates, I'm still working on my Team Leader class at work and that, hopefully, will be done by the end of the year. I've also decided to do some business classes online, just to give myself plenty of credentials on my resume. It's funny to think that as much as I hated school when I was young, I still keep wanting to be in education in my 40s.

Writing wise, I've still been slowly working on the first in my young adult romance series. Bullet journal wise has been slow as well, but I did purchase a new notebook for my birthday which is made with kraft paper rather than regular 160 gsm dotted paper. (I'm actually really excited about this one.)

Travel wise, we've been to Stephenson Railway, Lightwater Valley, East Grange Farm for the sunflower trail, and the Art Adventures summer term sessions. I'm so grateful that we can go places as a family after a long time of not being able to do anything outside of the house.

For October, we have Halloween, pick your own pumpkins, and continuing autumn term toddler classes to look forward to. I'm excited for the falling leaves, the crisp air, and the anticipation for Christmas that's less than 100 days away.

It’s Monday and the last day of my self isolation. I got pinged last Tuesday right as I sat down for lunch at the library. It said I’d come in close contact with someone who tested positive. The only place I’ve used my app is at baby classes because that’s the only place we really go for extended periods of time, so I assume I came in contact at the activity centre.
Steve is still working from home and Jack is back at nursery. It’s summer term so I’m trying to find things for us to do while he’s off at nursery for a couple of weeks.
I guess it’s silly to post on a blog that you’re tired of the internet and social media, but it’s the truth. This has been about my only hobby I’ve had consistently for a long time and it’s started to make me anxious and frustrated. I told Steve that it makes the real world feel slow when everything we could possibly want to be engaged in is right in our hand in one device. I uploaded an Off Screen app to try and limit how much I use my phone at home. I know it’s the easiest, go to relaxation tactic but when it’s getting more of a nuisance than anything, it’s time to step back.
I don’t really look at my Twitter feed anymore. My Instagram I look at occasionally. My Facebook is my prime app that gets used because I know people in real life and I care about keeping in touch with them.
The other past time is shopping online which doesn’t really prove as anything other than frustrating because I’m working part time now and don’t have much of a budget to buy Willy-Nilly anymore.
Writing my books is a big goal now that I’m a little past half way through the draft of the first book in the series. I know the main goal of having the series done is way off but I call it a personally goal to have a lot of it done (and not hate it).
Also, the podcast and the mummy blog is one I want to start and call myself a blogger.

An update for June 2021

It’s been hot up north lately which is lovely for England because we don’t squander our days in the sun. Most of the time we’ve been playing with Jack in the garden or taking him on walks with his trike.

Steve’s birthday was on the 1st and we had our first date (breakfast by the river) since 2019. The rest of that weekend we spent as a family hanging out then Jack got sick had to stay home from nursery (and get a Covid test — negative).

I really need to start back up with the podcast because I have lots of stuff to talk about with taking a toddler out and about how that lockdown has eased. We’ve done two restaurants outside and lots of kid-friendly events like the farm, a sensory room, swim lessons, and walks. We even got him a new trike but quickly discovered those are not for long trips when the child gets tired because the one we have doesn’t recline. (It was also the only one decent-rated online that was available: a Kingerkraft Aston.)

Other than that, we’re getting on as we do. Steve is still working from home and I’m doing my management course at work so hopefully, I can get that done by the autumn of this year.

Still no official word about our trip to Florida, but we still plan on seeing the Picks next month for Jack’s christening. It will be two years since we’ve seen our families.

 

Starting nursery and back to work at the library

 

Guys, it's just been a week.

We took Jack to nursery for the first time. That was a nightmare and a half. He did fine, aside from the crying at the beginning and end of the sessions, but I cried and cried. I don't know how many other mothers right now are feeling completely overwhelmed and completely helpless to all that's going on right now. It's hard enough having to leave your child, but without any family nearby, and no ability to see friends or co-workers, we've had no one else around that baby but us.

Granted, he's had some baby classes, which I'm really thankful for, but letting someone else hold him and cuddle him made me sick to my stomach. How was that child going to handle that?

Everyone told me that this was all going to be harder on me and that babies are really resilient and they handle things like nursery quite well. But after seeing him reach out to me on our last visit, and I had to walk away from him, I don't know if they just realize that their parents doesn't care and isn't going to help them, so they have to just deal with the situation.

Like the idea of them self-soothing and crying it out when you figure the baby just gives up on anyone coming to help them. (At least, that's what I always feared.)

With all of this going on, I have to get ready to go back to work on Monday. I honestly am excited to see people again and not be on mummy duty all day, but how am I going to handle not being on mummy duty? I'm always on mummy duty!

Steve is going to split his working from home days so he has afternoons with Jack while I'm at work. This is only going to be for three days, which seems like an eternity, so we'll see how that goes.

I'm also worried about bring Covid into the house because I've been in my safe home bubble for a year. Also, Jack's developed a cold, so he's not sleeping well and feeling crappy, so this is all terribly stressful.

Now that it's the end of my maternity leave, I'm really sad that my magical year with Jack is over. It's been tougher than I ever imagined, but I've enjoyed being a stay at home mum. I've wanted to run away from the house screaming (and did during the first lockdown, if we're being honest) but I've been so grateful to have all this time with him. 

So, I'll miss him and I think that's the hardest part. I'll miss spending my day chatting with him and chasing him and wondering when I'll ever be able to sit down again. I won't know what to do with myself.

I was really convinced that I was going to write a lot and be really productive this year, but I just wasn't. I focused on the one thing that was the most important and that was raising a happy little guy.

A blog update for 19 January 2021

I’m writing this at 9:30 at night while I’m holding Jack. We’ve had a power cut and this poor sweaty child hasn’t had a bath. It doesn’t help that he decorated himself with apple sauce at lunchtime, but never mind. Steve had to light the gas stove with a match to get some water boiled to make a bottle for Jack. I was tempted to go across the street and ask someone to heat a bottle for him in one of the neighbors’ microwaves but I didn’t have to. Poor kid still is dirty. I go back to work in two weeks. I am not pleased by this just because I feel like I’m abandoning Jack. Steve sees this as an opportunity for Jack to be somewhere else, playing with other kids, being part of the world, learning and doing and not being stuck in the house all day with us. - LATER - It is now Tuesday. The electricity went on at 10PM last night, so luckily we had some heat through the night. I'll be so ready to get this baby into the bath tonight (and myself into the shower!) I had a nice chat with one of the girls at work today, so they know to expect me in a couple of weeks. (My poor baby!) It's still raining and I doubt a family walk with by on the cards for the evening. This is all we can do -- take walks when Jack isn't napping or when the weather approves (so, rare). I'm still struggling to get any real writing done, so 200 words a day is the best I can aim for. I want to get the YA series out of the door but, alas, time isn't really a thing anymore. (And, yes, I know people say that's not an excuse but when you have a one year old, that is the only thing you can concentrate on.) Well, I'm being summoned once again by the man of the house, so here's to randomly updated blog posts. Oh! And I have a podcast now! Jack's Mum is where I talk all about mummying.