My thoughts on my high school reunion and why I write what I write.

This year marks 20 years after my high school class graduated. There’s a whole reunion and everything. And, no, I’m not going.

Aside from the fact that I’m all the way across the pond, I’m really not interested. Granted, I have some nice people who I wouldn’t mind saying “Hello” to if I saw them, but spending all day at the beach, or the park, and an evening of drinking (and putting Steve through the whole thing) isn’t something I’m into.

You see, I was not typical in school, I guess. I hated it. I don’t mean, resented going, I mean from Second Grade on, I detested school. I hated that I was locked in a prison every day, doing what someone else thought I should be doing.

The whole cast system annoyed the crap out of me. Preppies, and goths, and in-betweens (me) and band/choir girls and, ugh. My whole mission during my high school days was to be left the heck alone. I skipped school constantly, I hid out in the library and read Seventeen and YM magazines, writing to the editor on recycled notebook paper about how grunge was not a trendy fashion choice.

I distinctly remember members of the SGA in the library one day talking about anyone who wasn’t in upper level classes not counting at the school. (Hello, Breakfast Club much?) I was in upper level classes (except math) and I couldn’t care less about Student Government, or who was Prom Queen.

I didn’t go to prom. I never had a boyfriend and everyone of my gal friends did, so I didn’t even consider going anywhere stag with no one to talk to. I did the freshman and sophomore dance thing with all my freaky friends (bless them) but my wearing Doc Martins with a lacy party dress was a discussion the next week at school. (And, oh, how I loved to make the normal people wonder.)

Anyway, so all this week, my friends on Facebook have been posting graduation and school trip pictures and going “Oh, wow, I feel old. It’s been 20 years?”

I left school, got my diploma at night school and went straight into community college that was included in the university’s four year degree program. For the last part of my high school year I was just gone. I would still see my friends, but I was in no way going to attempt the whole “Oh, let’s get your college applications ready.” I had bad grades. I had no idea what I was going to do in the future. I could read books and write on my own (though I loved my English and Creative Writing classes, obviously.) I didn’t miss school and once I left, I never wished I’d been involved with all of that.

Later, in college and after we all started teaching (pretty much), my friends from other schools would go on about the overnight slumber party at the school and the overnight Disney trips. I never did any of that and I’m sure if they’d have invited me to partake in any of it, I wouldn’t have bothered. Any of my friends, a lot of them a year or so younger, wouldn’t have been there either, so, yeah, not interested.

This is why I became a teacher. I understand how much it sucks. I was never good at being a high school teacher because I saw through the busy work and arbitrary rules set for students because it was “in their best interest.” Even when I’m at the elementary schools now, I feel bad for the kids who are always told to stay on task, do their work, and not do all the fun things I use to do like look out the window and write stories during a math lesson.

I’m so glad to be out of school, I can’t even tell you. And that’s why I write the kinds of characters that I write. The preppy, happy, always involved in things kind of girls is not who I knew and not what I was a part of. The ones who hated authority, who wanted to do their own thing – that’s my kind of high school student.

This is also why I stick with Facebook. I like that all that old school crap is over and I can talk to people from my old high school as adults. I can share travel and cat pictures and know how everyone is doing back home. It could be 20 years or 200 and I’d still not look back to reminiscence.

Catch up before summer break

Things I’ve done lately:

• Watched the director’s cut of Alien at the Tyneside.
• Kept up with World Cup semi-finals.
• Watched Kasabian, Metallica, Jack White, and Dolly Parton at Glastonbury. (Lana Del Ray was so boring live.)
• Baked cupcakes for 4th of July (even though I’m in England.)
• Taken down and put up displays in the classroom (cutting and pasting are not my forte.)
• Read Never Let Me Go, and started Age of Miracles.
• Started my gym membership again.
• Went to the North East Retro Gaming event (lots and lots of pinball and old arcade games to play.)
• Watched some more of Breaking Bad and finished Fargo.
• Had two of my ten objectives for my Teaching Assistant course signed off.
• Ben Folds. (Planning on seeing him Friday – Steve’s choice. He’s trying to show me why I should be a fan. All I know is ((awful)) Brick and You Don’t Know Me.)

Things I’ll do over break:

• Write. (Enough said.)
• Read. (Ditto.)
• Edit. (I have a project that I’m putting off a 2nd draft because I just hate the story and don’t think it’s worth bothering.)
• Maybe go to London on a day trip. (Super excited about this one.)
• Try to go to Maths and English classes somewhere other than where I was going (my TA instructor agreed that I had every right to be angry about how stupidly those tutor sessions were being handled.)
• Get my hair done.
• Go to the nurse to ask her about my stupid knee.
• Exercise. (Swimming is on the agenda.)

Discrimination, bullying, and other white people problems

At the elementary/primary school where I am volunteering, the teaching assistant and teaching assistant trainees (like me) have their own little lunch room to sit in.

I’ve been there for, oh, a couple of months now and never ever had anyone act as if they couldn’t understand my accent. Generally people are interested and ask me about American schools, sports, amusement parks, etc. (The kids always ask me about corn dogs – I don’t know what the fascination is, but I assured them that corn dogs are awesome.)

Anyway, so there are a lot of trainee teachers and teaching assistants who come and go at my school, so we can have anywhere from two to six or seven volunteers sitting in that little lunchroom at a time. Most of the girls are from a local college, some already have a degree and are getting work experience, and some are like me who are taking adult ed classes to get a certificate as a teaching assistant.

Well, last week there was a new, quiet girl sitting at our lunch table. Myself and another lady who volunteers there chatted with the girl and she told us she was a high/secondary school student who was just there for a few weeks to get job experience in the nursery before she graduated.

When I went into the lunch room on Tuesday, the regular group was there, plus another high school girl sitting with the one I’d met before. I sat down and started chatting to everyone as usual, when the new girl started laughing about something. The girl from the college, who I’d been talking to about her course, stopped and we sat there, awkwardly asking what we’d said that was funny.

One of the adults was giggling along too and said, “Oh no. You’re just funny.”

So, we continued to talk, still confused, but we dismissed it. Then every time I would speak, the high school girl would nudge her friend and they’d giggle, staring right at me. I quickly realized it was my accent – something I never think about. I mean, seriously, most people have seen a ton of American TV and movies to know how we sound. It isn’t some kind of new concept. In Florida we generally went, “Oh, wow, cool! An English accent!”

Now, in that situation I had no choice, really. I like to think of myself as a nice person, but when someone’s acting incredibly rude, I’d say something. If it had been at the mall, or on the street, I would have told her to blank off. But in that situation, I had to ignore her and let everyone at the table feel really uncomfortable until the new high school girl left the room. While I know I was acting like an adult, I felt incredibly sad, hurt, and embarrassed because I’ve never had anyone do anything like that to me before.

I have had high/secondary students mock my accent once and be done with it when I taught a class. When it happened during my first English teaching job here, the teachers were very supportive and said, “No, no, that’s really discriminatory and racist. We don’t tolerate that.”

Other teachers who had Scottish and other regional English accents assured me that kids did that and they brushed it off because they didn’t mean it to be hateful.

This situation, however, was hateful, not to mention, rude and childish.

I told Steve in text about what happened and he said for me to report it and not feel like I don’t have the right to do so. I waited until the end of the day (the kids were painting and trying to put sentences in past tense, so I was thankfully distracted for that afternoon) but I did mention this to my classroom teacher before I left. When I told her she said, “What? How rude!” and jumped up out of her chair saying, “Well, I’m going to find out who she is!”

The office told my teacher that the girl was only going to be there for the week, which was fine by my because I wouldn’t be there to deal with it. The teacher asked if I was sure the girl wasn’t just “being silly” and I said, “No, she was clearly laughing at me and trying to get her friend to join in the laughter ever time I spoke.” It never happened at any other time. They would even make me stop talking because their laughing would be so loud it distracted me.

Anyway, when I mentioned this to my family and friends on Facebook in Florida, most people were very blasé about the whole thing. “Oh, she’s just a teenager. Ignore her.” or “It’s not racist because you’re all white. It’s just a jerk thing to do.”

I quickly pointed out that I have to indicate that I am “White – Other” in this country – just like every Canadian, Australian, and European. My ethnicity is not British, Irish, Welsh, or Scottish.  I am “Other.” That means that if I had a Polish, Russian, or German accent and someone laughed at me in a work situation, it would be less of an issue because we’re all white? No, that’s not right at all.

I told my teacher that I mentioned this situation because, as a person working with children, there are many students and teachers who have various accents. My hope was that the office would report the girl to her and whoever had sent her to that school to work, but I seriously doubt anything like that was done.

Also, if they spoke to the girl, would she have come back to the lunch room and told all the other volunteers that I had reported her? Would I be ridiculed for that too?

It’s really a lonely and depressing situation to be in, to be made to feel like you’re different and being publically humiliated and harassed is okay in certain situations.

It bothered me a lot that day, but I just felt mad. I can’t shout at a teenager in a work-type situation (or can I) without someone getting on my case about it. I mean, if she had been a year older and in college, would that be more of a discrimination situation, or would people tell me to overlook it then as well?

Anyway, I just want to let people know that, no, white people, you are not exempt from someone being a jerk to you and treating you like you’re “other.” It’s totally not cool to do it to anyone and I don’t like that most people don’t immediately say, “No! It’s not right!”

I wanted to make sure that I wrote this out, not only to get the situation out of my head, but to let people know that this kind of stuff does happen and a lot of people think it’s not a big deal even if it makes the other person feel rotten and self-conscious. I can only imagine what happens in other companies where some idiot decides to make fun of the resident American.

How busy is too busy?

I kind of knew when I signed up to do this Teaching Assistant training jazz, that I’d have extra things to go during the week. That was fine because I just have to go to school two days a week, then my class for one morning. I would have Wednesdays and Thursdays to hole up in my computer room and get my writing and my editing done. Plus, getting out of the house and focusing on something in the real world is good for my brains (and my eyes – they love to get strained when I’m at the computer too long.)

But when I started with that stupid Maths and English malarkey on Wednesdays, that left me with just Thursdays free. When you’re trying to write books, edit your Critique Partner’s chapters, do homework, and read (just to name a few things on my daily To-Do List), one day a week just ain’t going to cut it.

So I quit the Maths and English tutor for now. Honestly, the whole thing was a bit of a waste of time. Granted, I needed practice with the metric system and the math, but the whole “you need to use more semi-colons in order for us to think you’re functional in English” just made me mad every week. English is not a weak point in my life, but they made it seem like it was.

The only reason I was doing it was because my TA instructor said I should have recent Level 2 qualifications to put on my application when I do apply for jobs. I understand the logic, but since there are no basic skills tests for a TA like their are for professional teachers (and I already did those tests in Florida, mind you), I just don’t see a pressing need. Granted, I’m not a British Headteacher and I don’t know if my not having these Maths and English tests done this year are a big deal or not. I can always go back and do them later, I guess.

But, with my mid-week free, I can now go back to locking myself in the house and getting stuff done. Hooray!

Today I have the day off due to a teacher in-service, so I’m working through my poor, neglected CP edits.

I’ve put a Joyce Meyer quote down here, about saying “no” because I’ve also put more on my plate than I can manage. Now that I’ve spoken to a couple of new CPs for my YA work, this means not only will I have to finish the NA book that my 1st CP is giving me suggestions on now, but I’ll also have to work on the YA fantasy series I was going to do.

Also, I have the old NA thriller that I have to go back and clean up for Draft 2 – there just isn’t enough time. I can only muster writing one book and editing another at a time.

So, yeah, think twice before added something else to your To-Do List. I’m perfectly fine with editing other’s chapters, but as far as my own work is concerned, I have to stick to writing one and editing another. I can’t sell half-manuscripts, I’ve learned that lesson, so I have to keep working until I get stuff done. The more I mess with that formula, the more apt I am to go out of my boundaries, then nothing will get done.

Plus, I like having time in the evening and on the weekends when Steve’s home to read and watch TV with him. Family is the #1 priority – the writing comes 2nd.

Don't Be Overcommitted 

Do you have too much to do? This seems to be the number one complaint I hear today. When I ask people how they are, about 50 percent respond, "I'm busy." Common sense tells us that God isn’t going to stress us out and lead us to do more than we can. Therefore, if we’re being led by God's Spirit, saying yes when He says yes and no when He says no, we should be able to accomplish what He gives us to do and walk in peace. Do you need to say no more often? We should be sure when our heart says no that our mouth isn’t saying yes. Sometimes trying to keep other people happy can make us very unhappy. A person must be really careful in this area, especially if he has a tendency toward being a people pleaser. 

Don’t be a people pleaser. You need to say no sometimes.

What’s Happening this Wednesday

• Teaching – The teaching assistant gig has been going fine. We’re in our last term of the year and the regular teacher has taken over the class again. We have two student teachers in the class too so there’s lots of support. I’ve been trying to figure out how to do classroom displays because middle/high school teachers don’t really need to do this that much (from my experience.) I was given advice to look to Pinterest (*groan*) for ideas, but I really just have trouble with making the paper frames for the mounted work all uniform and straight. We only have a small paper cutter that slides back and forth, making this loud squeaking sound, so my resources are a little limited. Oh well, the one I did this week looked a little better than the first (ridiculously janky) one I did my first week.
• School – Aside from my TA course, I’ve been working on these silly Level 1 and 2 English and Maths assessments. I have to turn them in today and I’m praying they at least let me off the hook with the English because it seriously is wasting my time. I’ve taught this stuff myself. I don’t need someone telling me I’m a Level 1 because I don’t use semicolons. *another groan*
• Travel – We took a trip down by Liverpool to visit Steve’s family over the bank holiday. We went to Chester Zoo while we were down there (as you can see from the Butterfly House photo above) and it was super fun. The trip was kind of long, but I was glad we went for a drive. I’d never gone on the motorways before like that, so it was definitely an experience.
• Family – Steve’s birthday was last weekend, so we had a late night viewing of Godzilla along with an even later night of cake baking. While we waited on the movie we ate at Gourmet Burger Kitchen and hung out in the arcade. Don’t care how old we get, we still manage to stay young.
• Reading – I’ve been trying to read more contemporary and sci-fi lately. I’ve updated my book blog on my lately reads.
• Writing – The JuNoWriMo thing hasn’t been going well, as I feared. I did write 900+ words of my current project (the one I started for Camp NaNoWriMo), but that’s it. With this new English/Maths sessions, I’m limited to one day of absolute freedom to get things done. I have to help my CP out as well, but she’s also going to read some of the new project, so I’ll be forced to get the first draft done. Hooray!
• Music – new album discovery is Kasabian’s 48:13 which features Eez-eh – a very Hot Chip-esque song. Saw them do this on TV during the Glasgow music fest. Great stuff.
• Movies – recently saw: Godzilla and Ender’s Game (and Tinkerbell on Netflix, if I’m being completely honest.)
• Television – On S2 of Breaking Bad, and we fell behind two episodes of Fargo.
• Games – Watch_Dogs, of course. (Steve did some of the UI design.)
• Me – I was absolutely exhausted yesterday after running around late Sunday, then running around at school for two days. I’ll be running around less today at least, but tomorrow I hope to relax, read, and get lots and lots of writing done.

Remember the semicolons!

If you want to be humiliated, and told you’re not as good at the one thing you know you’re good at, then come to England and take one of their assessment tests. You’ll feel lower than dirt by the time you’re finished, I guarantee.

Per my whole reboot into the teaching world, my Teaching Assistant tutor (lecturer/instructor) said that the bare minimum qualifications to have a job at a school is to have your TA certificate, and be a Level 2 in Maths and English.

In the U.S., of course, we don’t care about anything we did in high school once we’ve left. A high school diploma is equivalent to GCSE tests that students do here when they’re in Secondary School. This all falls under the umbrella of Level 2.

According to the chart, a Bachelor’s is a Level 6, and a Master’s is a Level 7. I have all these qualifications, but apparently this does not matter. A Head Teacher would want to see in writing, from a local establishment, from a recent assessment, than I am a Level 2. So I went to the Civic Centre to take my assessment and get my certificate.

First off, my math is atrocious, especially since I don’t know the metric system. They gave me a scale for kilograms and I could not for the life of me figure out how to read it. There were 20 notches between full kilos, rather than 10. I tried to logically reason it out, guessed on three questions out of six, and got two of the easy ones right.

I was given a Level 1 workbook to take home and have someone look it over for me next week. Fine. I can totally accept that. Steve’s been helping me with the metric because I have no clue what I’m doing. I need to know this stuff to help the kids at school. I am 100% okay with working on math workbooks. They aren’t fun, but I get it.

But the English. Oh, the English! So, they gave me a recipe and asked questions, gave me a letter and told me to edit it, then said to write a letter to a local store. The task said to write to the manager and tell them you’re returning a pair of jeans that lost color when you washed them once. That was all that was in the directions.

There was only room for two paragraphs on the page, so I wrote a simple, effective letter that went through my “experience” and explained what happened. I even wrote, “Dear Manager” at the top, and signed it. I was wrong. So, so wrong.

When the examiner girl assessed it, she told me, “You’re going to have to write more complex sentences. You didn’t you any semicolons and you didn’t add an address.”

I pointed to the instructions, “Is that indicated in the instructions? None of those requirements are listed. If I’d known you wanted them, I would have done it. Plus, there’s no address given.”

“Oh, you’d just make it up!”

Grr.

I was mortified. Here I am, a former middle, high, and college English teacher with a freaking Master’s Degree, and they’re telling me that I don’t use enough semicolons to be a Level 2 in English? A high school level writer? (Ironic, isn’t it?) (I’ve also wondered if the writing for a lower grade has changed my style too.)

Anyway, I was mortified.

So, I left with a workbook for Level 2 English that I have to bring back next week as well. Talk about humiliation. I just left the training room and sat on the couch in front of the Civic Centre for fifteen minutes, trying not to completely explode. I wanted to cry, just because I have never, ever, ever, ever been told I wasn’t good at English. It’s the only thing I am good at. But, apparently, that doesn’t matter.

This is why living here gets me so down - I can’t just get anything done. No matter what I try to do to play the game of getting a job or a qualification there’s some hurdle to go over. I had to do the Life in the U.K. Test twice, had to take my driver’s test three times after a year of lessons, and now I can’t even get a base-rate job at a school because they don’t think I use enough semicolons.

I totally didn’t feel like I was capable of writing any kind of book after that, that’s for sure.

But, alas, that’s how life is, I guess. I have to go along with silly rules and regulations, and there’s nothing else I can do about it. Last night I just realized that if this is my time to reboot my career, I’m going to just have to forget every degree I have from the States, and move on. None of it matter now, except to me, but job-wise, I’m a complete newbie and I have to start fresh as a person with no qualifications or education whatsoever.

Because I can’t let this get in the way of my writing. I only have one free day during the week now, and I have to make the most of my time. I have CP edits, and this Camp NaNoWriMo project to finish before I move into my next project.

England, you can’t get me down!

Saturday Catch Up

It's been beautiful in the North East lately. Today is a sunny and inviting day, so we're planning on hitting the city and investigating The Late Shows. We went the year before last and it was lots of fun.

After being responsible adults who stay in after dark, it's nice to remember what the night life is like.

I have been to three Teaching Assistant classes and volunteered three days at the Primary School. I enjoy being there, out of the house, being productive, etc. and none of it is super tough. I'm glad to not have the lesson planning and the paper grading. I'm fine with not taking on all that responsibility, it just feels unchallenging. Oh well, this can maybe be a stepping stone into something else in the schools later.

But, again, the teacher stress isn't really appealing.

In writing news, I still haven't finished my Camp NaNoWriMo book. I've added to it here and there, but it's not finished. My CP has been helping me with the last novella I finished. Of course, I still have one big series to finish (have written bits of it for ages, so there's a ton of unorganised material waiting on me.) Also, I have a few other regular books to do and one I stopped working on when my other CP took a break from swapping work.

Finally, my back, thankfully, has been much better. The chiropractor said it's much more stable. I know the new computer chair and the walking has helped.

With that said, it's time to go out in the sunshine for a bike ride. Too bad my allergies have been acting up lately. It's unfortunate when the drugs and nose spray doesn't make things go away.

A list of Wednesday things

A quick update list:

1. Everyone at the AWP writer's convention; have fun.

2. Trying to keep myself focused on writing. I don't have a Twitter problem, or a tendency to listen to music to distract me. I'm just very good at procrastination - and it's not good.

3. It's sunny out lately (as seen in above photo). I wonder if this means winter is over without any real snow accumulation.

4. Got two calls about having my CV sent for teaching GCSE English. Since I've been watching Tough Young Teachers, and Headteachers don't want anyone not trained in England anyway, I'm not fussed.

5. Nothing else to report except my Samsung is still a pain and I'll be selling it and buying a Windows phone ASAP.

6. Television I’ve been watching: Walking Dead, R.L. Stine’s Haunting Hour, Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, American Horror Story: Coven (so weird and very Twin Peaks-ish), Nashville (not a fan of country music, but I like this), Pride and Prejudice (BBC version), and Sense & Sensibility (on Drama channel.)

7. I have one book idea that just won’t go anywhere. I’ve tried to get it to work a few times, outlining and writing ideas down, but it’s not happening. Going to set it aside for a while and work on the other projects.

8. Went back to the chiropractor this month. I still get reminded of the problem when I twist too much in the car, or sit in the computer chair for too long. This week I’m scheduled to learn some core strength exercises. I think that means I’m making progress. Yay!

9. We may go see The LEGO Movie this weekend.

10. I had my tire blow out right down the street from the house. Luckily I had already gone back and forth across the bridge and the A1, had picked Steve up from work, were on a flat, wide, empty road, and were just far enough away from the house to have AA come and put the spare on. I could do these things at one time, but this car had no wrench (plus, my back is not what it use to be.) So I now have my first British second hand tire shop on my speed dial.

Teaching assistants and cats

Communication with children, communication with children and parents whose first language is not English, child safety, child development, childhood transitions, inclusion, case studies, National Curriculum, setting up displays, and what the roles of each member of the school entail.

This is a list of some of the topics what the course I signed up for yesterday will cover. I want to mention that as part of first week pre-planning as a teacher in Florida we were given a brief about what to do if we suspect child abuse, and how we can never lay our hands on a child, but I was never, ever taught child development. I was never taught how inclusion works, how to help students with different learning abilities, etc. I was pretty much thrown into a classroom and left to my own untrained devices.

The TA course starts after Easter and I’m super excited because it’s close by, and my job placement school said they didn’t mind if I didn’t come in to help out until April. (Something I was a bit worried about since I asked about getting that placement in December. I was going to start this local course in Jan, so I thought, but the tutor yesterday said they just didn’t have the means to do it until Spring.)

Eh, fine by me.

Now that I’m registered and have stuff to look forward to again, stuff that may actually help me with my teaching dreams in the long run, I feel 100% better. (Steve also only has two more days of work until his vacation. Hooray!) I walked a lot yesterday to get to the adult learning centre instead of taking the car. This made me super exhausted and in need of a nap after dinner (tea, you know) but I stayed in the bed all night.

Well, until the cat decided to start peeling the wallpaper off the wall in the bedroom at 7AM. What the heck? But, that’s his routine. He usually starts trying to wake us up at that time because he thinks we’ll starve him or never clean his litter box, or whatever goes on in his catty brain.

We’ve contemplated getting a female cat sister for him. He’s going to be 8 years old on Valentine’s Day (wow, my life has changed so much for the better in those 8 years) so I’m not sure if he’s mellowed in his middle age enough to have a cat friend on his turf or not. I would rather get a rescue cat who needs a home and is use to other cats around. I’ve just not gotten the nerve to go to the RSPCA and investigate the situation. (Because I know I’ll fall in love with one of them and take them home.)

Of course, I want a dog, but we don’t have a house, so that may be too much of a pain for us and the dog.

Teaching and books are the stuff I’m made of

Tuesday morning, and I woke up early, as usual, but this time it was 5:30 instead of 5, and I got out of bed at 6. (I woke up once at 4:30 as well.)

I know it’s the lack of schedule that’s thrown me into this stupid cycle. I also know it’s the career confusion I’ve put myself in recently. I was so excited for my Teacher’s Assistant course before Christmas, then when January rolled around, I had second thoughts.

If you’ve not seen Tough Young Teachers, I suggest you don’t if you’re planning on going into teaching. It will ruin all hopes of doing well and will make your first day more frightening than usual. Of course, the public think the teachers are doing a bad job, and that the disruptive kids are just misunderstood.

“What was most upsetting was seeing the effects of the clash of the young re teacher with the disruptive pupil. The kid is so bright, articulate and emotionally intelligent and yet the strategies used by the teacher seemed from the editing to be so destructive for him.”

The main offending student this commenter on the Guardian article is talking about was expelled for three years after he punched a teacher at another school. No teacher or administration should coddle to him. The show even filmed the kid at home where his mother was totally blasé about the kid being spoken to by the teacher. When she discussed the boy hitting a teacher three years ago she just blew it off with, “But he’s just not like that.” She never, ever gave him any kind of discipline measures. The kid told the teacher he was boring, a bad teacher, wasn’t doing a good job, total, all and all disrespect, no disciplinary action at home, but it’s the teacher’s fault.

Kids act like this in school, yet Twitter was all about defending him during the airing of Episode 2. Not being in front of a classroom will make people have all sorts of brilliant insight, though, I tell you. He shouldn’t be allowed to go back to public school. In the US we have schools for kids like this, kids who are offenders who have adult-ed type institution. That’s the kind of school he should go to. They have this boy in GCSE courses when he doesn’t want to be and all students like this do is waste everyone’s time, theirs included. But, what do I know? I’ve only taught all age groups for year.

Steve even suggested the kid was acting up more for the camera, which probably is the biggest encourager.

Steve also told me he didn’t want me to teach again if the kids were really like that. Yeah, yeah they are.

This kid, of course wasn’t the only one acting like this. The Year 7 English teacher had all sorts of crap to deal with in her class – kids walking on tables, crawling under tables, throwing things, talking, and making the poor teacher have to be “flagged as cause for concern.” Her life’s ambition was to be a teacher and now after one term, it may all end? Very, very sad.

Anyway, after watching that show, I really started thinking that I should toss the education thing out the window totally. I toyed with the idea of going to get some kind of computer degree and work in the gaming industry like Steve does. (Gaming Librarian? I would love a job like that.) But, alas, I’m not a math genius and yet another degree would take time and money. I’m already in enough debt because I can’t find work with my degrees as is, I don’t want to waste time barking up an entirely wrong tree.

A new career is great but how do you possibly get experience? And who would hire me? I had administrators ask me, baffled, why I would want to be a librarian when I had trained as an English teacher. (If anyone asks that again, I’ll tell them to what the teacher show on the BBC.) We easily get pigeonholed into a career.

So, I was thinking about how awful the classroom had been in the past, and how I’m probably better off giving up and trying something else. Then yesterday I was filling out a form to register for an education webinar. It listed writing and reading webinars, and asked me what my interests were in education. That’s when I remembered; I like this stuff. It sucks and I haven’t done well at all. (Except the college in Florida – I still say I’d go back to that if we ever moved back. If I didn’t have to teach Foundation Skills here, I’d gladly try it again.) And after thinking about that I’d like to go back in the classroom, and I’d like to start from scratch and learn to be a good English teacher. (I really wish I could just take the PGCE teacher training courses here.)

And with that hope, I feel better. I’m going to still try to register for a TA course this term and go back to the Primary Schools for a while, if I can. I’ll still always want to be a school librarian, of course (literature, research, and technology – oh my!) but as long as I’m making some kind of steps toward getting there, I guess that’s all I need to keep me content.

With that said, I plan on going out today. It’s been so long since I’ve felt like venturing outside in the daytime. I picked up Anna Karenina last night, and felt happy again to be interested in that stuff that makes me me.

Anyway, it’s almost time for the day to begin and time for me to go out and enjoy the world again.

Sleep and college admissions

I just don’t sleep anymore. I wake up at least four times a night and am wide awake at 7:00AM. Steve had to work overtime last week and we had a new, weird schedule that was just taking a toll on me.

I’m so not good with change.

I think a lot of it is the fact that Steve’s going to a new job soon and he’s having stuff at work that really ticking both of us off. (Crummy management, no organization, shady people, promises made and broken, money not paid, and generally all sorts of bad juju going around that place.) But this week he’ll be back to his normal schedule, then he’s done with that office. Hooray!

Of course, it’s Saturday and we went to bed at 2:30AM. I fell sound asleep, woke up a couple of times, and now am wide awake at 6:30AM. Very irritating.

I don’t understand it, since I thought one of my biggest hurdles was over: college.

Now, I’ve mentioned before that I worked at a local college for one day and it was so bad that I would categorize it as the worst job I’ve ever had. (Supply teaching is up there, but you have the option of Primary and some nice Secondary Schools.) Anyway, I want to take a Teaching Assistant course, just to give myself a U.K. based certification so I can have (hopefully) a better chance of snagging a job.

The supply teaching thing has only been last minute, or really bad situation jobs, which neither is appealing.

If I want to get the course done this term, in preparation for next school year, I’d like to take my course soon. The only nearby place was said college, so I applied. I was really nervous about going because I’ve seen what a miserable place it is. But, I went for an interview anyway. Of course, I couldn’t even get on campus because the tiny parking lot was full and you had to ask permission of a parking attendant who couldn’t understand my accent to give you a permit to park in another business’ parking lot. Not having my Garmin on me, or any clue how to get in and out of the place, I went home. (I can drive as long as I know exactly where and how to get in and out of my destination.)

I rescheduled the appointment for last week, hoping to take public transport. Happily, the local council called me last week as well, saying that they were opening up TA courses through their Adult Ed programs, so I figured if this college thing didn’t work out (again), I could register there. But I went to the college with the intent to give it a good look around again.

I arrived at reception (which I specifically asked about in my reschedule request) only to be told that since the course started that week (it was Thursday and the courses started next week) I had to go to the office for the Child Minding courses. Slightly bothersome, but not really that big of a problem. I walked across campus to a large building, intending to go to the fourth floor, but, surprise, I couldn’t get up there. In fact, I couldn’t go anywhere. There were at least twenty students waiting in line just to use the two, tiny elevators. I mingled around the corridors but found no staircase. I contemplated walking outside and trying to figure out where the outside stairs went to, but figured that I would not only have to climb four flights of stairs outside in the cold after I’d just hiked up  a hill from the Metro station, but there may not be any access from the outside. I mean, none of the students were using any stairs. They all went inside and waited in line for the lift.

Now, since the appointment was for 11:00 and they’d cancel it if I were five minutes late, even if I were waiting at the elevator for 20 minutes, I decided to leave. I could already see how much of a pain trying to take a course there would be. Not only is it really inconvenient to get to, it’s really inconvenient to get around once you do get there. I was given a list of times when the courses would be (all next week start dates) but an office clerk told me that the course would be only offered at night. I can imagine what “fun” that would be to fight rush hour on the Metro, just to fight kids to get on the elevator.

That was my main problem when I worked for that day at the school too. It was overcrowded and there was no place to sit, or get around.

Plus, and I can’t stress this enough, the place gives me the creeps. As you can see in the picture from the street, the place looks like it’s on the set of some zombie movie. I don’t understand that either because the other buildings near there are nice, but even some of the parking lots have graffiti on the walls and flimsy metal gates like it’s a car impound lot. The college buildings themselves look run down too. (Not all of them, some are quite nice inside but some have yellowing walls and miserable vibes.)

None of the students look happy to be there. The place is just depressing, and I am glad I went down there to finally decide that, no, I don’t want to attend classes there.

Even if I can’t get into the adult ed courses through the council, I’ll go to one of the other local colleges that offer the course in September.

Now that that’s all settled, I still want to know why I can’t sleep at night.

Very motivational New Year’s resolutions

This year I decided to make my resolutions, or goals, more simple and to the point. I’ve enjoyed reading her books and watching her television show for years now, so I’m using some of  Joyce Meyer’s motivational quotes to guide me with my goals for 2014.  

The flesh, or human nature, is generally lazy and self-centred.

I am the first to admit that I really shy away from anything that’s difficult. I get put off by anything that will be tough to do. That does not make for a pleasant lifestyle because it’s so dang boring to sit around all day. I know it’s fun when it first happens but after months of not having a routine that includes going outside in the world, you go a little stir-crazy. So one of my goals will definitely to be out there more.

Humble people ask for help.

I also have a habit of not wanting to spend time with people, and next year I’m really going to seek help from people in regards to my writing and my teaching. I’m hoping to sign up with a Teaching Assistant course in January, and I’ve already used CPSeek to find a writing partner to critique some of my work. I know it’s a crucial part of the writing process, and after reading Kami Garcia’s 13.5 Things That Will Change Your Writing, I decided to accept that I need help and got on with it.

The truth is, anyone can start projects. The world is full of just-started projects that looked great at the time but were never completed.

This also goes under Neil Gaiman’s Advice to Aspiring Writers that we have to finish things. I have some great story ideas to work on this year, and I know it needs to get done. However, I’m not going through making a whole Excel spreadsheet about how many words I’m going to write on each day. I tried that and I just don’t follow through. Instead, I’m going to work on the “Write When You Can” advice that Kami Garcia has. I’ve gone back to typing some notes up in an email to myself at night on ye olde iPhone, just so I keep the momentum of the story going in my head. I’ve tried putting things of until “Writing Time” and it just slips away too easily.

Strive for excellence, not perfection, because we don't live in a perfect world.

I too often get out of things because I think it won’t live up to my expectations, or it won’t be worth doing in the end. It’s a self-doubt thing. It’s a fear thing too, I guess. I can so easily get into the mind-set of thinking I won’t be good at whatever I’m going to do because in the end it’s not going to be perfect. It will be messy and a pain in the butt and I won’t want to go through it anymore and just quit before I even start.

This is why I rush through things when I write. I aim for some obscure deadline I give myself, just so I can be done with it because I knew it wasn’t going to be as good as I wanted it to be. But that’s okay. As Hemingway said, “The first draft of anything is s**t.” We have to make a bad first draft to make a good second draft. We have to make mistakes, so we can learn how to be better. I really want to work on being okay with at least doing the thing and working hard at it, even if it doesn’t end up perfect in the end.

Watch out for the joy-stealers: gossip, criticism, complaining, fault-finding, and a negative, judgmental attitude.

I’ve known this for years now, and I want to keep this on my list. The more I get upset about little things on Twitter, or at school, or in the news, the more miserable I make myself (and Steve, poor guy, who has to listen to my rants.) It’s not worth the energy and stress to get worked up about it, so I have to keep that in mind as I head off into 2014 with my new goals.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday. Happy New Year!

When teaching isn’t teaching

I said last time that I didn’t have much to write about, so I hadn’t updated anything in a while. Well, I think it’s because I’ve been in the house so much that I’m fresh out of any stories to discuss. When things are good and you’re content, there’s not a whole lot to mention in a blog. But when you go out in the world and see the things of the public school system, then you’ve got a story.

Yesterday I had one of those final straw moments that I think are good and necessary to get you really firm in your convictions about what you should or shouldn’t be doing with your life. I have said this many times: I’m not a good teacher. I was never trained to handle discipline. The Florida Teacher Certification for non-Education majors just takes someone with an English, Science, History, or Math degree, throws them in a classroom, then while they struggle to keep up with behaviour issues, lesson planning, and grading, the administration will tell you what a crap job you’re doing. They’ll tell you to go to teacher classes after school where you watch movies about teaching, have you harassed by a mentor and any teaching support who can come into the classroom to “help” so you never have time when you’re not being constantly monitored and criticized. (They’ll harass your students during lessons too, by the way.) Then admin will tell you how they’re trying to “help” you but “it’s not working” and you’re just “spinning your wheels.”

By the way, they never teach you how to make a lesson plan either – I learned that last year here in England, thank you very much. At least Florida now has courses that you can take at a college that will give you a stand-in Education degree that actually trains you for the job.

In the UK, they won’t let that happen. In order to be a teacher, you have to have volunteer hours at a school if you’ve never done teaching support work, undergo a Master’s level program that puts you, as an adult, into the classroom. You have to be accepted into a competitive program. You go through a rigorous training that I’ve been told is “the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” This is coming from British teachers who have gone through every possible high level testing imaginable too.

But, alas, since I already had a Florida Professional Teaching Certificate, I was allowed to get Qualified Teaching Status in England because my first language is English from an English-speaking country.

I still haven’t been really trained.

With that said, I have long been struggling to get out of this ridiculous supply teaching gig. Not because I don’t like going to school, I do, it’s just that supply teaching isn’t teaching (unless you’re on a contract of some sort and are responsible for the lesson plans and grading.) But the Secondary Schools, the Year 7 and up classes, those are the ones I originally wanted to teach when I was an English Major at UCF ten years ago.

When I got here in England, I tried to just jump right back into teaching by doing supply (substitute) teaching and hope that it worked out. It didn’t, and here’s an example of why.

Yesterday I was called by my teaching agency about an English teaching job at a Secondary School for four days. There was no information given other than the name and location of the school. Since I was given a day’s notice, I accepted because, I’m in need of some kind of work to get me out of the house more. Plus, I hate being home and not enjoying the pre-Christmas festivities around town. But, anyway, so I drove to the school early, fought the traffic, and made it just on time.

But here’s the thing, British schools are never worried about you being late if you do supply. They just casually take you over to class when they’re ready, and kids will already be sitting there, waiting on you. Now, here’s the thing, they will sometimes not give you any work for kids to do, or they’ll give you ridiculous lesson plans like I had yesterday:

First Period Year 7 Pastoral class was supposed to do work that some other person had at Reception. Of course when I asked about this, Reception gave me a strange look, like I was a Space Cadet, and said the person who would have the resources wasn’t there. Of course. The school nurse brought me up to the classroom and didn’t have any idea what assignments they were supposed to do either. Of course.

The kids were okay, but there was no work for them. I just tried to chat with them about movies and video games and Florida. They told me that they had been watching a film (9 times out of 10 it’s a lie, but if there’s no work, I was willing to give it a go.) Of course the computer wouldn’t log my temp teacher info, or the kids’. In the end I found some coloured pencils and had them draw Christmas pictures. During this time I had one boy who pushed and shoved everyone and was a right pain in the butt. One girl walked out because he and another kid were drawing pictures of her, so that was a big to-do and her friends wanted to go find her and bring her bag to her. Eventually, a gentleman (no idea who he was) came in, took two boys away, and the garbage bin with said portraits in it. Good riddance.

I had planning afterward and I looked over my class plans for the rest of the day. The Number One no-no in sub planning: “The class is to silently read all period.” I was going to have two Year 7 classes, and one Year 8 who was already on class report so if there were any behaviour issues, I was to use Mr. B’s name as a threat. Now, ask me if I know who Mr. B are or how to get in contact of anyone while I’m in this classroom, stuck in the corner of the room with 30 kids and no phone. I don’t and I can’t. I contemplated yelling for help out the window, but it just overlooked an empty soccer field.

When the Year 7 class came in, I immediately saw why this teacher was going to be gone for four days. 30 some kids who could have given a care less if I spoke to them, shouted at them, or instructed them to:

• stop turning the lights on and off
• stop erasing people’s names off the board
• stop drawing on the board (I took the markers off the whiteboard and they tried to get them off the shelf behind me instead.)
• put their phones away and stop video recording me and the class
• stop sitting on the desks for group selfies
• stop walking out of the room without permission
• stop playing with an open sack of sugar in someone’s bag that half the class managed to get all over the desk and the floor
• stop shoving and pushing one another
• stop opening the window
• sit down and stop dancing
• stop talking and read

The story was, as some of the girls in class told me, is they had one teacher at the beginning of the year who left, then they brought in an Australian teacher who was “horrible.” (Good on her for being mean.) But after knowing she was out for four days, I’m wondering if she’s getting the heck out of there too. I don’t blame her. I even wrote on her note that if this Year 7th class wasn’t her worst, I felt very sorry for her. Apparently I’m not the only non-Brit who is getting the raw end of the teaching in England deal.

She even had only 8 pens available for the class and she had to keep tally of which kids had borrowed pen from her because they never had supplies. I had that kind of thing in the 7th and 8th grade classes in Florida. They would come in without a book, bag, pen, anything. Ridiculous stuff.

Anyway, I gave up on the silent reading idea after ten minutes of getting no where with them. They told me reading was awful and they hated it, so I told them to get their workbooks and carry on with what they had done in class before. That was a whole big deal too because some didn’t have one and what should they do and if one had a new book the other one wanted one. You get the picture. I circulated the room, I talked to individual students, I did my “thing” you’re supposed to do to manage children. They would just look at me, then carry on doing whatever they wanted.

Eventually, some teacher/support worker saw them running in and out of class, came in and scared them enough to sit in a chair (this only works for permanent staff who know the kids and know what to do with ones who are misbehaving.) She said something about them knowing that they aren’t allowed to use the toilet during lesson times. News to me.

But no matter, by that time I had already sat at my desk, emailed the teaching agency on my phone and told them to find someone else to cover the classes for the rest of the time. When they asked why, I told them that I’d never seen a Year 7 class misbehave that much and I didn’t want an incident to occur after they’d been video taping me. (That’s all I need to start some law suit about my being liable for some kid shoving another kid into a desk while I’m shouting at kids to put their phones away.)

And after all these years of trying and “spinning my wheels” and knowing that, as I’ve been told by 100s of teachers before, you have to put on an act of Wicked Mean Teacher day in and day out, I left. It is too stressful and not worth the anger and frustration. It’s especially not worth it for £75 that a school is only willing to pay for someone as “Advanced Cover Support” instead of a “Qualified Teacher.” After I stood there, watching the kids get progressively more rowdy, even after a member of staff spoke to them, I knew I was going to leave. Once I dismissed them (I tried to only dismiss the first row, but they all took off and ignored me. They turned the lights off again on their way out for the 20th time too.) I got my things, signed out, and left.

That is not teaching. Teaching is not being a presence in a classroom while kids do whatever the heck they want to. I think Year 7 is the worst. Year Six at the Primary School is more tolerable. In fact Primary is very tolerable after seeing things like this at a huge Secondary School with too many kids to keep track of.

So I told the teaching agency I wasn’t going to do supply for a Secondary School anymore. I’ve been to some nice ones where the teachers weren’t yelling and screaming at kids in the hallway all the time, but that’s been maybe two out of a dozen. I enjoyed being at the Primary Schools because you have other classes around you, other teachers and support workers around you, and a lot less kids at the school to deal with. Even a middle school I went to 40 miles away on my first teaching assignment after I got my car – that wasn’t bad at all. But once they put these guys in a huge school, something happens that I just can’t imagine. They run around doing whatever they please. It’s not as bad as what I’ve seen in Florida, but I still wonder what kind of money it would take to get any future children of ours into a school that actually helped them succeed.

And this is why I’m back to the idea of training as a teaching assistant. I have experience and I would rather work in the Primary Schools, so in order to get some qualifications, I figure I should take a course here and get job placement to train. I honestly don’t know what other jobs I could do. Steve is totally willing to get me back in school and get another certificate under my belt, but I don’t know what else I could do. As I said before, the library training was useless (I even tried to contact the CILIP about what I could do and no one’s ever gotten back to me.) I just don’t want to keep “spinning my wheels.”

I love books and I love school and it’s a shame that I don’t have a career in either of them.

15 Sleeps Until Christmas

Okay, kids. This is another post that I’ve started to write but, unlike the countless others, I’m going to post this.

Everything has been good and fine here. I think I have about everything I need for Christmas Day. (There’s plenty more I would love to get but my cash flow isn’t having it this year.)

I’m hoping to get myself in a Teaching and Learning Support course in January so I can have a certificate that UK schools recognize. Not having any kind of British credentials to my name is making my career completely stall. Plus, I’ve never been properly trained as a teacher of any kind, so I’m hoping to just start fresh.

I’m working on two books as well. One of them is the NaNoWriMo project that I tried work out a basic outline, then stalled on actually writing it on November 1st. Little by little, I’m working on it without the pressure of “write like mad without any worry about it making sense.”

With that said, I may not be posting for a while (I may be, but who knows?) I’ve not been that interested in blogging lately, but if something interesting comes up I’ll update. It doesn’t mean I’ve abandoned the blog, it just means my need to discuss myself is starting to diminish. Weird, I know.

So if I don’t get back to the blog before the holidays, I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Annoying career choices

Supply Teaching

I do not understand how the Department of Education works here. I really don’t. Supply teachers are paid all sorts of different amounts, then when they offer you a job for the day, they offer it to you for less than agreed in the contract (and half of what you’ve been paid in the past for the same job, at the same school, through a different agency.) You get called at 8:15 to ask you to be somewhere at 8:30. You get asked to drive 45 minutes to a school for potential less money. You get asked to work in special schools when you have no training in SEN whatsoever. You get asked to work as a P.E. teacher when you’re an English teacher with Qualified Teacher Status, only to be knocked into by a crowd of feral Year 10 girls.

When I researched how much supply teachers are paid, apparently not in London, you can expect to start off at £105 as a Newly Qualified Teacher, then get an increase in pay. I’ve never been given more than £100. In Scotland, the normal pay is £145, from what I read too. There are also all these different terms for supply teaching – cover support, English specialist, teaching support. Each one gets paid different, so even if you’re an English teacher with QTS, you can be sent into a school who only needs “cover support” and half of what an “English specialist” supply teacher would for the day.

Is the job different? Not that I can see. Supply/Substitute teaching means going into a classroom, fighting kids to be quiet and get on with it when they know they’ll never see you again, and given no work to do with them because no one has left lesson plans. (Not that the kids care anyway.) Whether you teach a history, English, or maths class, it’s always the same.

In Florida they just gave substitute teachers with a Bachelor’s degree $70 a day, and with a Master’s degree $75. You had an online timesheet you could look up jobs with and list when you wanted to work. Here there are twenty local teaching agencies that handle supply teachers. The teaching agencies are doing their job, but anyone can start up one, and decide whether to call you or not.

Teaching English as a Second Language

I’ve been told by people on Twitter, and in writing workshops or teaching gigs, that I should go get my certificate to teach English as a Foreign Language. So, since this supply teaching thing isn’t helping me any, I started looking into it.

First of all, the UK has either the CELTA or the Trinity certification program. This is the good, accredited program, apparently, and the shorter courses, although they are supposed to be accredited, aren’t worth anything. Now, the problem is that the USA and Canada, from what I’m told, don’t recognize anything that’s not a TEFL certification specifically. These UK CELTA certs are supposed to be internationally recognized, but apparently that’s not really true.

Also, one college who use to offer the Trinity program told me that teachers with experience can train and work at the same time in some colleges to get their certificate. Another college who offers the CELTA said that the British Council won’t let you teach ESOL without the CELTA, regardless of teaching experience. (Even though the CELTA says it’s for those who have never taught, but whatever.)

I wrote to the British Council to see if they could give me an answer to this. I’ve tried to ask Twitter if anyone in the UK has gone through ESOL training but, surprise surprise, I’ve had no response to that or my questions about supply teacher pay rates.

Also, in order to get into a CELTA program, you have to do an interview with a thirty minute language tasks (little mini-test) and an interview about your test, just to prove you should be in the course. And here I thought getting into grad school was tough. I’m telling you, no one in the UK cares if you speak English, have taught English, and were born and raised in an English speaking country for more than thirty years of your life.

And again I wonder, is it even going to be worth it? The program is apparently really tough, but if the UK will give me a steady job, I’m absolutely fine with going through the process. However, this test asks you to indicate is verbs are in “present continuous” tense and what the proper syllable markings are in different words. I’m not sure I could even pass the interview if that’s what they’re looking for.

Librarian

Library jobs are posted. All kinds. Full time, part time, senior librarian, research librarian, library assistant, and so on. I apply. I get a rejection letter. I can’t get shortlisted for an interview for anything. Pointless, useless degree and a bunch of financial aid I’ll never pay off. What happened to this, “You can get $36k a year being a librarian!” theory they told us about four or five years ago?

Writing

I’ve never been happier than I have been, sitting here at home, working on my book. It’s a very anti-social way of conducting life but, hey, it works for me.

Fear of work and the writing routine

Another sunny, Summer day in the North East. It got chilly the past few days, especially after the rain, so some sunshine is nice to see again.

I had an interview for a Teacher of English job that I could have gone to today. I got my mini-lessons PowerPoint and discussion ready last night. Last week I even emailed the receptionist who sent me the interview letter that said, “Please confirm your attendance and ask any me any further questions.” I asked if it was a problem to bring handouts that needed Xeroxing. I never got a response.

Now, I would have never dismissed a job interview before in my life, but these days I have a better feel for a potential goal. Before, I was just grasping at straws and trying to get a full-time job because it seemed like the right thing to do. Of course, I always ended up with the, “you’re not mean enough for high school” critique.

It’s not to say that my main reason for not going on the interview was just “fear” of having the same thing happen before. I hate the word “fear” being thrown around so much. Fear to me is an illogical “what-if?” When someone has reasons for not doing something, or hesitation, or concern, people love to say, “You can’t be afraid. Do it because you’re a warrior/fierce/insert any other trendy cliqued term for a strong and powerful woman on Radio 1.” Driving in the U.K. could potential lead to an accident if I hadn’t learned how to do things properly (and I’m still learning, mind you.) That’s not something to be dismissive as, “Oh you silly thing, don’t be afraid.” That’s like saying, “Oh it’ll be fine. Just jump off that bridge without checking that your harness is secured. You’re being ridiculous!”

My “fear” of taking a full-time job is that I’ve not been successful at the high school level before. I liked it, but I’m not good at it. Maybe at some point, somewhere, I would be, and that job may have been the right school for me. More than likely not. And if I were working, I’d have stress, exhaustion, no time for myself, no time for Steve, and no holiday in Florida.

So, rather than waste my time or anyone else’s, I didn’t go.

Besides, I’d rather have a temporary position at a Primary School to bone up on my chops there. I was considering taking some SEN courses online to get the much-desired UK training, but I don’t know if it would help matters that much.

Anyway, with that said, back to the task at hand: the writing.

I have a new bookshelf (Thanks, Steve!) One of the many how-to books I own, is No Plot? No Problem! Since my biggest obstacle is procrastination (always has been) I liked how Baty acknowledges that being a full-time writer at home gives you all the time in the world to do everything but write. That’s me and I’m so glad I’m not the only one since writing at home can keep you away from the rest of the writing world. (Especially when people love to give you blow-by-blow accounts of their book on Twitter as they write it.)

Having a routine each day would be handy, as I try to do now on my days off when I get my blog entries for this site and bookblogarama done. Then I go off to Starbucks in the afternoon and do some actual work. The outlining and the motivational how-to reading, along with the reading for entertainment, all has to fit in the day somewhere as well.

So, I’m curious. What kind of routine do any of you have for getting writing done in the scenario otherwise known as life?

Finally, LiveHacked’s newsletter today references Creating Characters: How To Build Story People and gives some good advice about character building:

Another helpful tip I picked up long ago was the idea of writing out your character's details 100%, then using only 10% of it in your book. It's more of a general concept than a hard-and-fast rule, but it's helped me immensely to separate extraneous character detail in my novel (which the readers don't need or want) from helpful character-building dialogue and inner thought.
To aid in this process, you can literally write an "interview" with your character(s), answering it as if you were them. Fill out bios, add life/career/work details, and as much information you'd like. It'll be nice to "know" your characters before you start writing them into your story, and it's perfect fodder for series-based novels!

Supply teaching plus writing - making my own work schedule

I just turned down a temporary job working with kids who are acting for the BBC. First of all, the hours could be from 8:30-7PM at night, and secondly I wouldn’t have my July or Sept holiday time that Steve and I have already scheduled. It sounded like a cool job but, nah, that’s not for me.

In fact, I’ve been quite okay with my job situation as of late. The Primary School I’ve been frequenting has been really fun to work in, so I put my application in with them. Now that I have the car more supply work has been coming in. Steve and I discussed my goals and if I really wanted a full-time teaching job or if I’d prefer to just stay in day-to-day and temporary work as I have been.

Full-time teaching takes a lot out of you. In fact, I just read this great article on Tumblr called Please, please, stop saying these things to teachers… It talks about how freaking tough the job is, and how misunderstood educator’s issues and complaints can be. Yesterday they announced that England will be changing their GCSE testing again and Year 7 will be the first to feel the brunt of it next school year. I’ve taught plenty. I’ve gone through the enormous pressure of good English test scores, working in boring workbooks, and doing nothing but test prep for 90% of the school year. You work all day, then have to grade papers and plan your lessons at night. You’re exhausted, you spend no time with your family, and you’re told what more you could be doing.

But I’m still going to an interview for an English teaching job next week. Now, England’s interview process is much more complex than anything we have in Florida. They schedule out a morning for all candidates to do a 25-30 lesson for students they’ve never met before, then arrange a discussion for another group of students, then have interviews with the Headteacher, Head of English, and anyone else who may need to be involved (so it can end up being a panel of five who take turns asking you questions together or in separate rooms.) Then they make another shortlist, then ask the final candidates to come back for interviews before choosing who they want. It’s enough pressure to make me nervous, just typing it out.

However, I’ve learned that Headteachers want someone who is British, British trained, with British school experience. I understand that though. Irish teachers are moving to England to find work and you have Newly Qualified Teachers in England already trying to find work. My oversees, clueless self is not going to be one of their first options for a full-time job. As Claire from Steps put it on Celebrity Big Brother, “People don’t like to admit it, but the British are very patriotic.” Again, I don’t blame them. It’s just frustrating to get your hopes up just to have a Headteacher sit in on your well-prepared mini-lesson for a good five minutes before walking out the door (really happened) without “having a chat” or any kind of interview whatsoever. Waste of time and energy.

Supply teaching, on the other hand, has the beauty of walking away from work each day without anything to take home. Granted it’s nerve-racking to go to a new school, not knowing who the kids are and if there are any kind of lesson plans left for you. Kids don’t respect supply teachers as much, especially at the Secondary level, but, again, if you don’t like the school and the kids act up, it’s really not your problem. Leave the day, tell the agency not to send you there anymore, and that’s that. It pays less and there’s not a lot of room for advancement, but it’s not the worse job in the world. (It certainly beats a £56 a day office job that I’ve been offered in the past – less pay and longer hours with no room for career advancement.)

Also, my main objection to a full-time job is I have time to do things like this. I’m sitting here, at home, at my computer with my cup of hazelnut Dunkin’ Donuts coffee that was sent to me from Florida. I can chose to have a “me” day for blogging, reading, and the all-important task of writing. I can take my netbook down to Starbucks and hang out for an hour, typing away. I can take our holidays whenever Steve has time off work. We can go to Florida for our anniversary, and I won’t have any outside work to plague me at home.

It’s a good middle ground in the dilemma of writing vs. teaching. Granted, I’d scoop up a job if it were offered in October or so if it were at the little Primary School I like so much. But otherwise, I’m not really fussed.

I’ve considered starting a supply teaching log, but I have a hard enough time keeping bookblogarama updated when I’m otherwise preoccupied. Maybe later.

Teaching in the afternoon

As I mentioned last post, I found a temporary supply teaching job at a Primary School this week. I can’t believe it took me this long to figure out that teaching 11 years and younger is a much more rewarding, and satisfying job. The school I’m in isn’t an “outstanding” rated school, but the staff enjoys being there and the students really are very sweet. Granted, we’ve had an incident about every day with arguments, tears, and name-calling but that’s nothing that I can’t handle. I’ve seen some unsettling things at the Florida schools with kids who have just as difficult home lives as some of there here, but having to deal with the tiffs between Year Six students is no great shakes.

Since last Thursday, we’ve caught mayflies in the river, made aquariums to keep them, gone on bug hunts in the garden, dug up weeds, played tennis, played rounders (which I quickly changed to a game of baseball), played soccer (I mean football), watched chickens hatch, got hailed on in the play yard, learned about puberty, and, as far as I’m concerned, had a good week. (Minus a handful of incidences, of course.)

This week has come to an end though, and after my stint here, I plan on leaving my application in case a permanent job pops up over the summer. I’ve let the Headteacher know I like being there and I’d really enjoy working there as full-time staff. You know when you just have a good vibe from a school? I was terrified before to go into schools with little kids, but now I feel good walking in each morning. I’m so glad I figured all of this out.

This isn’t to say that I don’t miss writing. I really do. The thing that I was trying to get across in my last post about teaching and writing is that there just isn’t time for both. Even though I’m not making lesson plans and/or grading papers, it’s still an exhausting job. I’m going to be glad to take my netbook into a Starbucks again and get back to doing what I’ve aimed to do.

Of course there are ways to do both, it just takes longer to get the work in progress finished. Then there’s the editing – oh the editing. I’ve mentioned as well that I’m really trying to outline the projects now, but that itch to just get down to the actual writing part is too tempting. I have to at least piece some ideas together in a long-handed, sloppy form.

Anyway, I have a couple of hours before I finish out my week with Year Six. This afternoon we’re working on the end of the year play. Here’s hoping everyone can stay on task and enjoy it as much as I do.

One last thing I should mention: driving.

I am much more confident than I was but, Good Lord, Newcastle and all it’s roundabout options and motorways is a nightmare. I panicked the other day when I went to pick of Steve and got stuck in that Quayside traffic. I can’t stand that I don’t trust myself and I don’t take my time to see what the Garmin is saying. I’m afraid of going the wrong way down a road, so if I get lost, I won’t get on a road unless I see someone else driving down it. (Lord knows not every road is clearly marked.) But I figured it out after going all the way around the Civic Centre and back. The next day I inadvertently screwed myself up again (that traffic going across the bridge sort of forces you to follow along with everyone else because I can’t clearly see where I’m meant to go.) But I kept calm and carried on, as they say. I went through City Centre and made it back slowly but surely.

Some days that driving makes me more nervous than going to a new school, but I’ll get accustomed to both of them eventually.

Working and writing–can it be done?

I’m going to throw this little post in while I have the chance. It’s half term and I’ve been at home for two days, yet I’ve still not gotten much done. I swear, the day goes by quick even when you’re not working (I can’t imagine how quickly it goes with kids at home too!)

So, how do we find time to write?

I have an extremely narrow attention span. I can focus on only one thing at a time. (Right now, juggling driving and listening to the radio is an attempt if I don’t know where I’m going.) When I teach, I just don’t have time to think of sitting down to write at the end of the evening. There’s planning and grading, and even when I’m doing supply teaching, just being able to have time to paint my toenails and watch TV for an hour is crucial. Plus, I have to get to bed on time. I’m not one of those who can function on five hours sleep at all.

But I, like everyone else, want to do it all.

I left some ideas in a new notebook before when I wasn’t working. I’d been reading Outlining Your Novel, and I’d had some good ideas to work with. Then I got the car, then started getting supply teaching offers again, and I just did not open that notebook again. Actually, it wasn’t until last night that I was able to get back in the mode of what the project was about, and this morning I jotted down some things before I took Steve to work.

I only have the rest of today and tomorrow for my “me” time, so even if I get more on that outline done, I’ll at least have something to work with when I get less busy outside of the house. I at least have a little writing notebook in my purse that I take along if I think of something.

Anyway, if I’m MIA for a while, that’s what I’m up to. Some days I barely touch Twitter because I just get caught up in other things. I know writing is a choice and requires dedication, but having a career and a pay check is important as well. I guess that’s where the juggling comes in. I just wish they had some kind of natural ADD medicine I could take. I’m lucky if I get a chapter of a book read before I fall asleep most nights.

The driving begins

It’s almost June and it’s gotten cold enough to switch the space heater on in the living room. Surely I will live to be a ripe, old age because I’ll never thaw out. Where is summer?

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted, but I have been busy living this thing we call, “life.” On Wed, the 15th of May, I passed my Practical Driving Test! Changing instructors was the best thing I ever did for myself. It only took 3 months of driving with her and I passed my test on the first try after the switch. She’s awesome and while I’m relieved to have that stupid test over with, I’ll miss my lessons.

So, after passing my test, I was exhausted emotionally - the whole process is a 40 minute drive that renders you mindless because you’re so freaking nervous. But I went to search for cars as I had been doing for a year since I started learning to drive.

Let me tell you what an absolute pain buying a car can be. First, I wanted to try the Kia Soul because it’s so stinking cute. They had a used silver one at Benfield and I took the Metro, then walked all over creation, including a busy highway, just to get to the car lot. The salesman was nice, and I drove on some quieter roads, just to get the feel of the car. I drove it pretty well, and I would have bought it, but Steve assured me that I should try out some others. I asked about the promotions they have for the Nissans there, but was told that the £115 a month sales on the Micras were only if you put down a huge £3000+ deposit. No thanks. I told them I’d be back for the Kia once my husband was available to look on Saturday. Of course the salesman wanted to drop the car off at the house to ensure we focused in on the one car, but I declined the generous offer.

I moved on to Evans Halshaw because we had looked at new Hyundais a while back. The salesman there was nice and he had to shoo off another salesman as we were looking (to which he apologized for his co-workers actions.) We really thought we’d get that i20, even after we looked at the Vauxhall Adam which was too small, but very cute. The salesman at the Vauxhall branch leaned in the window very intrusively as well, and we wanted to get out the minute we got in. Well, when I went back to Evans to look at used Hyundais, I noticed that few cars had any info on them. When I asked for the mileage on an i30, some super pushy salesman came out, stood in the door of the car so I couldn’t get out, told me all about how Evans was the best place to buy because people always come back. After sitting in the stupid car for 1 minute, the pushy salesman goes, “So, do you want it?” I really should have laughed at him, but instead I had to push past him to get out of the stupid car, and told him how I wasn’t going to buy anything until Saturday. He tried to get me to buy some weird looking Peugeot too which was and never has been in my consideration list. (No offense to Peugeot.)

After escaping the pushy salesman with the, “yeah, yeah, here’s my number, I’ll be back Saturday,” b.s. the salesman went, “Well when you come back Saturday, don’t talk to anyone else but me!” He also gave me his card twice within the minute I was there, and printed off info about the i30 and said Peugot for me to take home. I threw them out at the gas station next door. He’s called at least 20 times since that meeting as well. Next time he calls, I’ll tell him to bugger off.

Aside from being full of pushy salesmen, Evans also is in a really crappy area of town. On my way back to the Metro station, I also got accosted by yet another drunk who was being looked for by the police and wanted to pretend he knew me. I talked to Steve on my mobile as I walked to the Metro with a drunk dude with a shopping sack full of wine. I was ready to buy that Kia and forget ever taking public transport again after that. Good Lord, I must just look really nice or something.

Anyway, I went home and looked online for other cars I could compare with the Kia at Benfield. When you use their online chat, there’s one rep who contacts the local dealership about the car you’re interested in. When I went to chat the second time, they threw the original rep at me who was questioning me about the Kia. “Yeah, yeah, it’s fine, but can I see another car to compare it with?” Their site indicates that any car on any of their nationwide lots can be brought up to another dealership for viewing. I mentioned this in my previous posts on the history of my car ownership and my speculative U.K. car purchase that I have had 2 Toyotas in my past and both of them served me well. I asked Benfield if I could take a look at an Auris they had listed. They said they could but it was in Leeds and I’d have to pay them £100 to have it brought up to look at. What? No. I could go to the local Toyota dealership and look at hundreds of them for free.

And that’s what I did. I looked at two Aurises from Hodgson Toyota and chose a black one that I took through Northumberland on my test drive. (I didn’t realize Northumberland was that close because I’d never driven a car through there before.) The salesman was nice and not pushy at all. He drove me back and forth to the bus station as we went through my paperwork visit too. I like my Auris because it’s pretty much set up like my old Corolla that I sold when I moved to England. I picked it up on Saturday the 18th, just before they closed (we took a detour to the Toby Carvery and then slugged through traffic in the taxi.) Now it’s sitting out front with my “P” (for “passed my driving test” – my U.S. friends were confused by that) and my Hello Kitty magnet from EPCOT on it. It’s been well taken care of and I’m extremely happy with my executive decision to buy what I know.

As for the roads and the actual driving – oh my. Steve bought me a Garmin which helps me immensely, but I still get nervous and freaked out about getting in the wrong lane or taking the wrong exit. It’s not like being in Orlando and knowing, relatively, how to get back towards the coast to get back home. But now that I have a car, the supply teaching jobs have been pouring in. I’ve also been driving myself to teaching jobs, which is way better than taking the bus for an hour. My first assignment was to go up the highway/motorway to Alnwick (pronounced “Annick”) which was a 40 minute drive in the country. Basically it’s Virginia, just on the opposite side of the street up there. I was scared to death to do it, but I did. I took wrong exits and just followed the Garmin’s instructions to get back. Sometimes I get confused by what lane/exit to take because once you get in the roundabout you have options. I hate that. Tell me to go here and here for the A1. That’s all I need to know. Sometimes the exits aren’t even marked, you just have to hope that you followed the roundabout sign 50 feet ago and the lane markings correctly. (Yes, we have signs and writing on the lane. Confusing!) But I’m really enjoying working in Primary Schools so maybe they’ll hand me a job next school year or something. At least I can drive to it.

But anyway, I’ve been driving Steve back from work, and we’ve been able to do more, as I predicted. Yesterday we went back to Beamish. It took 10-15 minutes but I had to go on these super windy, tiny, hilly, narrow country roads to get there. I’ve seen roads like that in Ohio when I was little, but back then I wasn’t in charge. I had no intention of going 60 mph as the speed limit indicated. I took my sweet time and made it without having too much of a heart attack.

So that’s my story of the driving. I am still in the not 100% sure of what I’m doing mode but I’m not going to be too hard on myself – I’ve seen plenty of people who don’t look like they know what they’re doing either.