Are we there yet?

Had my last driving lesson today before my test Tuesday. Absolutely totally tired of it. I’m getting worse at this and the instructor’s getting more and more fed up with me. If I don’t pass the test next week, I’m just going to flat out refuse to have more lessons. I either want to keep taking the test until I pass or quit all together.

Today I came closer than ever before to quitting. I mean, each lesson I consider quitting and think, “I’ll never do this again,” but today I was ready to say, “Okay, fine, forget it. I’m going home.” But I didn’t. I never do.

I don’t know if it will be easier if I drive on my own, get comfortable by doing things on my own and all, or if I will get as confused and frustrated as I get now. When I think about driving, I think about it in a fantasy-type way. When I’m really behind the wheel, I’m on the verge of tears. I get confused and it spirals into completely blanking out with all the signs because I can not get use to them or the having to pay attention to five different things going on each time I turn a corner.

I’m tired of being so stressed out about it. I use to want a car so much and now I feel like if I did have a car I’d let it sit in the garage unused. And this is coming from someone who use to love to drive. I mean absolutely loved it. I would drive for hours. I would look forward to driving. I would find reasons to drive. Now I hate it and I hate that I hate it.

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